What Is the Main Underlying Cause of Social Anxiety?
The root cause of social anxiety is an intense fear of being judged by others. This can come from either a fear of not meeting the expectations placed on us by ourselves or society, not living up to our potential, or not maintaining the approval and validation we previously received.
The intense fear that results in social anxiety is often avoided by using coping mechanisms. However, rather than avoiding the fear at its core, we must find a way to overcome it. It’s the only way to live a life of freedom and authenticity.
Are You Born with Social Anxiety?
You can identify where in your developmental process your fear began by exploring how you interacted with others in early childhood and connecting that with how you’re interacting with others now.
It’s important to remember that children are innocent and don’t hold any misconceptions about themselves. This is a wonderful thing because it means that they’re open and connect very easily with people who allow them to be themselves, without judgment.
When children play, they express themselves freely without any inhibitions. They’re curious about the world around them and delving into their experiences strengthens their connection with themselves and others. This makes navigating life much easier because there’s less inner conflict (between who you believe yourself to be and who you really are).
As children grow up, parents and society begin to influence them more. This means that they start to experience judgments from others, usually in the form of criticism or shame. They might have been told something like “you’re not good enough” or “don’t act like that.” These influences can damage their self-perception and lead children to think of themselves as unworthy of love, appreciation, acceptance, etc.
What Causes Social Anxiety in a Child?
If the judgments they experience are frequent enough (or intense enough), children might develop something called the “critical inner voice.” If this continues to be reinforced over time, the child will come to believe what they’re told about themselves. This can lead them to doubt themselves and disengage from certain activities or behaviors that don’t meet their self-imposed standards (and other people’s standards).
Once children become adults, these beliefs about themselves often go unquestioned. They act as if they’re true and filter their experiences in order to confirm them. This can lead people to determine what’s acceptable for themselves by measuring it against others’ expectations. Because this causes so much conflict within, they frequently turn to coping mechanisms in an effort to manage the resulting anxiety.
How Do I Find the Root of Social Anxiety?
The beliefs about ourselves that we’ve picked up along the way from others cause us to judge ourselves and feel bad about who we are. As a result of this judgment and feeling of unworthiness towards ourselves, we also see the world as a place where we’re constantly being judged. This is why it’s important to heal our wounds and clear our negative thoughts about ourselves.
Once we can see who we truly are, no one has the power to judge us any longer because the judgments simply aren’t in line with who we are at our core. When others do try to judge us, we can let it slide off of our shoulders knowing that they’re not seeing the beauty and love within us; they’re only projecting their own insecurities onto us.
They don’t see who we truly are because they aren’t yet at that level of consciousness themselves (and perhaps never will be). When we learn to detach from them and feel better about ourselves, we respond to their judgments in a way that doesn’t set us back. And when we repel others with our confidence and self-acceptance, they’ll naturally try to pull us down so they can feel better about themselves.
We must remember that although these people are only doing things out of insecurity, our response is a choice. We don’t have to let it affect us, nor do we have to continue putting ourselves in their presence.
Once we recognize that everyone is doing the best they can with who they are, until they clear their own negative beliefs about themselves, then what others say and do becomes less of an issue for us.
We can see everyone as equals, regardless of their flaws. When we begin to see the equality in all of us, we stop feeling like someone is better than us or worse than us (judging them makes this true). We also begin to realize that it’s not our job to fix anyone.
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So, to detach from the fear means that we stop judging others and ourselves. We see everyone as equals who are doing the best they can with who they are until they decide to heal their wounds and expand their understanding of themselves. In this sense, no one is better than us nor worse than us; we’re all on different paths, exploring new frontiers.
We were all put here together to learn from each other and explore the world with one another, so it’s time we stopped bringing each other down. If anything, our differences are what make the world beautiful, so let’s celebrate them instead of making others feel bad for who they are.
It’s time we stop shaming others and ourselves for who we are and how we show up. We should learn to love and accept people as they are, especially those who have been the source of our insecurity. Once we begin to see people from this compassionate vantage point, self-love can take root within us.
As a result of loving more, we stop judging others and ourselves. We no longer feel the need to control situations or people because love is the only force that matters.
Love has a very high vibration of all-encompassing acceptance, so instead of trying to fix everything, we use our energy more productively by putting it into self-growth and personal development. We no longer feel threatened by others because we know that they too are perfect just the way they are.
Can You Get Rid of Social Anxiety?
When we detach from the fear and realize that someone can’t judge us unless we allow them to do so, we begin to feel more empowered and open up. This helps us begin to let go of our coping mechanisms (the things we use to avoid the fear), because once we’ve detached, this is no longer necessary.
When we detach from the fear, we also become aware of how little others actually care about it. We can see that their judgments don’t matter to us unless we let them and that they are operating from their own insecurities when they judge us. This helps us move out of hyper-vigilance as well as our need to please others.
We naturally want to please those who make us feel good, but it’s important not to seek approval from those who are not supportive of our self-expression, for their validation is empty. When we’re able to walk away from these people, the fear dissipates. This helps us let go of our need to please others and live a life more fully in line with who we are.
The things that make it difficult to detach are judgmental beliefs about ourselves that we hold, which come up anytime we feel not good enough, flawed, unworthy, and undeserving.
When we love ourselves, then love naturally flows into our life. This applies to loving other people as well; when we learn how to heal our wounds and let go of negative thoughts about who we are, then everyone can stop judging us and we’ll stop shaming ourselves.
When we learn how to detach from the fear and feel better about ourselves, a new path opens before us. This path is one of love for who we are and it’s full of joy, happiness, creativity, peace, abundance, and success.
The end result is that when we’re no longer judging others or judging ourselves, we can focus on a new way of being that’s filled with love. This is the only path worth exploring.
So, how can we get rid of social anxiety? We must first learn to love ourselves. Only then will others be attracted to our positive energy. Only then will we feel fulfilled and complete.
Once we’re filled with self-love, it’s impossible for us to fear anything or judge anyone else; all that changes is that our mind no longer brings us down. Instead, we see the beauty in everything and everyone because we’ve learned how to focus on our inner peace.
Once we stop fearing others and realize that what makes them different from us is what makes them beautiful (and possibly an inspiration to learn from), then stress and anxiety become a thing of the past.
We finally feel free to be ourselves because there are no other people to compare ourselves with. We are who we are, and that’s perfect just the way it is.
We may have found our own tribe of like-minded individuals while riding the ups and downs on this roller coaster called life, but being able to detach from the fear means that we stop judging others and ourselves.
When we learn how to love who we are, then everyone else becomes our teacher. We no longer judge or fear anyone because it’s impossible for us to bring anyone down with us when we’re filled with self-love.
If you want to get rid of social anxiety, start loving yourself and embrace your differences.
This way, we can all experience the beauty in life without having to worry about what other people might think or say about us. Let’s turn down that noise and focus instead on who we truly are: a collective community of unconditional love.
Can You Prevent Social Anxiety?
The labels that we place on others and ourselves can lead to a lot of pain and suffering. When we’re able to detach from the fear, our perspective begins to shift in a positive direction.
A favorite quote by Marianne Williamson goes like this: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”When we rid ourselves of negative thoughts and destructive beliefs, then there’s nothing to fear. There’s no reason to judge others because all that matters is that we’re here as perfect beings with an important message for humanity.
We stop fearing others and instead start loving them unconditionally; this allows us to set boundaries for people who are toxic in our lives. Boundaries are extremely important because if we don’t set them, then it’s easy for people to walk all over us.
Boundaries allow us to feel safe because we’re no longer allowing others to control our emotions. We’re not at the mercy of other people anymore; instead, they have to work with us if they want to see a change in our behavior.
If we don’t set boundaries, then people become toxic and unsafe to be around because it’s impossible for them to feel any kind of regret or remorse for their actions. You can try talking to them about these issues, but that usually doesn’t solve anything.
There’s always going to be another excuse or rationalization for why they did what they did. They’ll blame us, say that it couldn’t be helped, etc. People like this often don’t want to take responsibility because if they do, then it would mean that everything they believe is wrong.
So, when someone’s toxic behavior keeps repeating itself, then it’s time to step back and focus on ourselves. We deserve nothing but the best, after all.
We can’t expect others to give us respect when we don’t even give ourselves any kind of love. If you want to get rid of social anxiety, start loving yourself unconditionally.
Once we’ve learned how to be comfortable in our own skin, then it’s a lot easier for us to let go of the fear and realize that we’re all one.
When we no longer have separation in our minds between human beings, then there is no reason to judge or be afraid when we meet someone new. We will finally feel free to be ourselves because there are no other people to compare ourselves with.
We are who we are, and that’s perfect just the way it is.
Related Posts About Social Anxiety
- Mindset Transformation Coaching Program
- 5 Tips to Manage the Fear of Being Judged
- What Is the Fear of Being Yourself?
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What Is the Root Cause of Social Anxiety?
Here are some of my favorite social anxiety tools
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