12 Signs You May Have Low Self Esteem
Are you wondering if you have low self-esteem? Many people with social anxiety also live with low self esteem, so it’s a good thing to explore what we mean by low self esteem symptoms.
While some of the obvious signs of low self esteem include thinking very little of yourself or beating yourself up for small mistakes, there are other symptoms that are more subtle, and that you may have not even recognized in yourself.
Let’s take a look at all of the signs and symptoms of low self esteem.
Apologizing Too Much
Do you say sorry way too often? Okay, full disclosure, I do this myself. If someone bumps into me in the store, 9 times out of 10 I will say sorry. If I feel like someone is upset about something, I will say sorry even if I’ve done nothing wrong.
Does this sound like you? Apologizing too much is basically telling people that you don’t have value or worth. That you’re trying to take up as little space as possible in the world.
Afraid to Express Differing Opinions or Ideas
Are you afraid of speaking up when you disagree about something or when your ideas are a little out of the norm? While this could be just a sign of social awareness, if it’s extreme it could reflect low self esteem.
Not expressing your opinion because you are afraid of what other people will think gives their opinions more worth than your own. Why does what they think matter more than what you think?
This also goes along with saying what you think other people want to hear. I do this sometimes when people offer me choices: instead of picking one, I say—whatever you think or either is fine. I end up frustrating the other person because they just want to know what I like.
Fear of Making Mistakes
Do you fear making mistakes? People with low self esteem feel a lot of guilt and shame when they make mistakes. When mistakes happen it feels so catastrophic that you try to avoid them at all costs.
This comes up for me sometimes with games and sports. If I feel like I won’t be good at something, I will pass or say no rather than just learning something fun or new. Why do you have to be perfect at everything? That’s the question to ask yourself.
Hard to Say No
Just like wanting to please others by going along with their ideas and opinions, you might also find yourself not able to say no when faced with requests. This is also known as a lack of assertiveness, and again is frustrating for other people.
I’ve gotten better with this, but there have been times when I wanted to say no but instead said yes. And then felt resentful or kind of dragged my heels.. or worse yet just backed out. Not being able to say no is related to your fear that other people won’t like you if you turn them down.
When you feel bad about yourself all the time, you will naturally start to withdraw from other people. If it’s hard to say no, you can’t voice your opinions, and you’re always apologizing—it’s no wonder you don’t want to be around people! This can be at the root of some cases of social anxiety too, so consider if this might be one reason why you can’t be around people.
Sensitivity to Criticism
When people criticize you, how do you feel? If you are oversensitive and become upset over the slightest bit of criticism, this can be a sign of low self esteem. I know people who react with anger when they feel as though they are being criticized. So—sensitivity can come in many forms.
Low self esteem symptoms can also show up in a psychosomatic way, meaning that your body becomes involved. Headache, stomachache, and insomnia could indicate that you’re feeling stressed out or bad all the time. Don’t ignore your body.
Putting on a Show
Some people with low self esteem will try to put on a show to hide it. Someone who comes across as very boastful and arrogant could in fact be living with low self esteem. The schoolyard bully is a classic example of this; people who put others down to build themselves up are lacking in self esteem.
Self Critical Thoughts
Do you have a lot of recurrent self critical thoughts? This can be a sign of low self esteem. Over the years I’ve had my share of these negative thoughts. Often they are things we pick up from other people or things we tell ourselves after failures. If you say bad things about yourself to yourself a lot, that’s a sign of low self esteem.
Lack of Motivation
Lack of motivation can be a sneaky sign of low self esteem. If you have given up in a certain area of your life such as chool, work, or romance, it could be that you no longer have confidence that you will ever achieve success in that area.
I experienced this for a little while in graduate school, when it seemed like everything was an uphill battle and I would never be finished.
Not Taking Credit for Success
When someone offers you a compliment, do you say “Thank you” or do you say, “Oh thanks, but it’s not really that…. X.” Downplaying compliments or not being able to take credit for your abilities, skills, or successes can be a sign of low self esteem. While you might think you are just being “humble,” humble people are still able to recognize when they’ve done well. If you are never able to do that, it could be because of low self esteem.
Believing Others Are More Capable
Do you always feel like everyone is better than you at doing things? This can be especially true if you have social anxiety. I remember when I used to live with a public speaking phobia, I felt like everyone in the world was a better public speaker than me. This can be a really hard belief to shake if you live with social anxiety and it’s become ingrained over a long period of time.
Fortunately, you are not doomed to live with low self-estem symptoms forever! Self esteem can be built through therapy, self-help books, and personal development, so I encourage you to work on it.
Remember: good self esteem is not feeling that you are better than other people. Rather, it’s knowing that all humans have equal worth.